Remember a few posts ago when I mentioned that sometime I need to write down the story of my wife and me? Well, it looks like the writing challenge has created a spot for that. While it says "your current relationship," I will also explore the past in order for the present to make any sense. Word of warning: this entry could very well be the longest post of the entire challenge, and even so, it's still a Reader's Digest version of our story. If you choose to dive into this, get yourself a two-pound bag of your favorite snack, a liter or two of your favorite beverage, and a comfy place to sit because you're going to be here awhile—IF you make it to the end. [evil laughter]
I've mentioned that my sister Valerie worked with Lori at the Thrifty Drug store in the Valley Plaza in the early '80s. When she worked there, I used to stop in to say hi, and I remember seeing Lori running around, working and keeping busy. There was nothing about her that made me think, "I'd sure like to take her out, marry her, and have babies with her someday." She seemed nice, though.
One fine Saturday afternoon in August of '83, I was at my folks' house for some reason. While on the phone, I heard a couple of people come in the front door, talking and laughing. I recognized my sister's voice, but not the other one. When I heard them in the kitchen, I poked my head in from the den to see who that unfamiliar voice belonged to. I recognized Lori right away. At the time, it seemed funny that she was in our house; it was one of those "out of their element" moments, like when you saw your fourth grade teacher at the mall because, you know, teachers never go anywhere except their home and the classroom. Lori and Valerie were on their lunch break and came by to borrow a cake pan from Mom to bake a cake for one of their co-workers who was leaving the store for a new job. When Valerie saw me, she told Lori, "That's my other brother!" I just waved to her and smiled so as not to disrupt my call.
My call was finished before Lori and Valerie left to go back to the store, so I went out to the living room by the front door, where they were just about to leave. A few months earlier, I had purchased a new 1983 Toyota Supra (terra cotta red, like a brick). Lori asked me, "Is that your car?" I said yes and she responded with, "Can I get a ride in it?" I said, "Sure. Anytime." They left and headed back to the store, I left and headed out, giving no more thought to the whole conversation.
The following Thursday night, I stopped back at my folks' for some reason. Valerie had gotten off work and stopped by there. When she saw me, she asked, "What are you doing tomorrow night?" I said, "Nothing. Why?" "Lori wants to go out with you." I figured that she just wanted the ride I had promised her in my cool new car, but that was fine. "OK" I said to Valerie, who quickly picked up the same phone that I was talking on when they stopped by the previous Saturday and called Lori at the store. "He'll pick you up at 7." is all I heard. Valerie gave me Lori's address before heading back to her apartment.
All day Friday at work I thought about my date, which was just a few hours away and closing in on me. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do; I figured we'd get something to eat, see a movie; the standard date. After work, I got home, showered, got dressed, and headed up to Sylmar where Lori lived. I pulled up to her folks' place at straight up 7, and went to the door. Lori was all ready and looked nice, and we walked back to my car. Still not sure about plans for the entire time, I started off with "How about getting something to eat...what sounds good?" She said, "Anything is fine."
At the time, there was a cozy Mexican place in Van Nuys called Ana's that I'd been to a few times. We got parked, went inside, got seated and looked over the menu. During dinner, we talked about what we like to do for fun, music we liked, etc. We felt comfortable with each other; it was like being with a good friend. At this point, I still didn't have romantic feelings for her, but I figured at the very least, I had a new friend.
When we left Ana's, we couldn't think of any movies that we wanted to see. Lori suggested that we could go out to Northridge and stop by Brunswick Matador Bowl, where she would have been bowling that night had her team not had a bye. I met a bunch of her friends and fellow bowlers. One friend asked what we were doing on our date, and Lori said that we were just hanging out. This friend suggested taking a drive up Pacific Coast Highway. Sounded good to us, so off we went. Our conversation continued all the way down into Santa Monica and out PCH to Point Mugu.
At that point, we decided to park and walk along the beach. It was a warm, mid-August evening, so we kicked off our shoes and walked on the sand for probably a quarter-mile or so. As we looked out over the ocean, we noticed clouds coming in and it felt like a summer storm was a-brewin'. To be on the safe side, we thought that it was better to get back to the car. Back by the car, we couldn't find our shoes. We looked all over, then thanks to the bright moonlight through the clouds, we finally found them a ways from where we ended up. Apparently we had wandered a bit off course on our way back.
Because it was such a warm night and we were thirsty, we headed into Camarillo to get something to drink for the trip home. I knew that Naugle's was open late so we pulled into the drive-thru and ordered a couple of Cokes. To this day we still remember the car that was receiving its food at the window and managed to drop the whole box between their car and the building. Not funny to them, of course, but we had a good laugh.
I got back on southbound 101, and we stopped by my place before I drove Lori home. My apartment was a bachelor apartment, so my bed was in the living room. I sat on the bed while Lori sat on the couch and we continued talking. At the time I had a digital watch that beeped on the hour. It beeped while we talked, and I said, "It's 1:00. I'd better get you home." But we continued talking till the next beep. "It's 2am. We'd better get going." More talking. *Beep beep* 3am. More talking. *Beep beep* 4am. More talking. *Beep beep* 5am, and the sun was starting to come up. Lori said that I'd really better get her home or else her dad was going to come after me with his samurai sword.
When I got Lori home, it was fully daylight. We got out of the car and I asked her for her phone number. She wrote it down for me, then said goodbye and headed inside. As I said (or implied) in my Writing Challenge Day 3 post, I am not the type who needs a lot of physical affection. A kiss-free date was OK; as I said before, I had a new friend, which was good enough for me.
About a week or two later, I stopped by Thrifty to get a few things. Lori was on the register and I got in her line. She rang me up and even gave me her employee discount. Lori mentioned that after work she was going out to Devonshire Downs for the Ho'olaule'a, an annual Hawaiian craft, food, and entertainment fair that she went to each year (and still does). She said that I could meet her out there if I wanted to.
I went out and met up with her. We wandered around visiting booths, and I met her folks for the first time. Afterward, she suggested that I meet her up at her place (her folks') and we could go from there. After I got there, we went out in the back yard, just talking as usual. At some point, we turned toward each other, stared into each other's eyes and our lips locked for what was our first kiss. We decided then that we were officially "an item."
At one point early in our relationship, Lori confessed that when Valerie called her to tell her that I'd pick her up for our first date, she panicked and spent the day thinking of an excuse to get out of it, but couldn't. She didn't want to go out with me—Valerie came up with that plan on her own!
For nearly two years, we continued dating. We took trips to theme parks, bowling tournaments, Maui, and even took Amtrak to Las Vegas for our own weekend turnaround trip one time. We bowled on a few Las Vegas leagues. The topic of marriage came up a few times, but never got beyond the "possibility" stage. However, that didn't mean that I never thought about it. The more time we spent together and talked about our mutual feelings about raising children, work, education, and so forth made me realize that Lori was special and that a lifetime with her would be an adventure. I got along well with her family and extended family to the extent that they felt like my own.
Late in June 1985, while we sat in my car in her folks' driveway, I asked her to marry me. She said yes, and we went inside to tell her folks. Dad was OK, but Mom didn't seem so sure. She did tell me at some point that I had to ask Dad for Lori's hand in marriage. Mom was serious about it; Dad was like, "Eh, whatever." But soon after, as a formality, I did ask and he said "yes." The race was on—we decided that we were going to get married on September 27, 1986, so we had just 15 months to plan a wedding. We also decided to settle in Camarillo because I had a job in Oxnard at the time and the commute from North Hollywood to Oxnard was 52 miles each way—and a real drag at that. Being a Thrifty employee, she could transfer to a local store, which she eventually did. Now she had a quarter-mile drive to work.
Fast forward, everything went perfectly. We got married at the Congregational Church of the Chimes in Sherman Oaks, in a sanctuary that my grandfather built. Valerie was asked to serve as Lori's maid of honor since our getting together was her doing. My best man was Bill Hackett; my sister Barbara, both of my brothers, and both of Lori's brothers were in the wedding party along with a couple of Lori's friends. Following our nuptial photo session was a great reception in the back yard of some friends of the people who catered the food. There are a few people who still talk about the food we had. It was good stuff! Lori's Grandma Onouye and my Grandma McCormack were able to attend. These were our last surviving grandparents and both were gone within a couple of years of our wedding.
We spent our wedding night at the Bonaventure Hotel in downtown L.A., then we drove up to San Francisco along Highway 1 for our honeymoon with an overnight stop in Solvang on the way.
Three-and-a-half years into our marriage, we welcomed Diana Mari to the family. She was the best baby ever and continues to be a blessing every day at the age of 25.
Sad to say, time has not been good to our relationship (thought I'd never get here, huh?). As is typical with many married couples, we grew apart. We wanted different things, to go different places in life.
After a "soul searching" trip she took, I learned that there had been what I call a "close encounter of the wrong kind" during this trip. It involved an old boyfriend of hers. We went to a few counseling sessions, but to no avail. You might ask, "Why are you still together after all of this?" Some would say to "cut your losses and move on." But my answer is that I feel like we've put way too much into what we have to just let it all go. A third of a century is an awful lot of time and memories to just toss aside. We do have some good days; we still work together on projects around the house. We even took a trip to Yosemite in 2013. (Read about that here.) We're on the same side when it comes to a lot of things. We can still talk to each other and have had some long conversations about things. We're just taking it day by day.
Tomorrow I'll share a couple of words or phrases that make me laugh. I can always use a little laughter. Stay tuned...
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