I've been whining about my inability to become gainfully employed and I got to do some thinking about my situation and why so many others manage to find work and keep their jobs for the long term while I am turned down time and time again or find a job only to have it last about a half-hour. When you're not employed, you'll find that you have a lot of time on your hands to think about things. Sometimes all of your thinking will result in solving a current problem (which has happened a few times with me), or it will result in increased anxiety (which has happened a few times with me).
But something clicked in my head recently (I probably bumped it on a door. I do things like that). A few times in recent posts, I've shared the fact that I've started attending the local Baptist church. I grew up in a Baptist church, and though I stopped attending there, I've never lost my faith or gone astray. I'm well aware that not all of my friends believe in God, but my beliefs have always been a big part of who I am. You either agree or you don't. If you're a friend, I won't like you any less or give you a bad time about it. We all have the choice to believe or not to believe. I don't preach to people, but there are times when I need to share my story. My belief in God is a part of my story and who I am.
One thing that even believers sometimes forget is that God is in charge. Period. He makes the rules. But we can ask Him for what we want or need. We are taught, as it says in Scripture, that if we ask God for something, He will give it to us or do it for us, provided that we ask in the name of Jesus. I've done that many times, but have not received the gift of a job. Why would that be? I'm a nice guy, fairly intelligent, good with people, focus on my work and do the best I can.
People tell me, "Just get a fast food job!" (And with a straight face, too!) Not surprisingly, those same people either have no clue how much physical work that is (no, you don't get to stand at the register for your entire shift and flirt with the babes. You have to clean tables, sweep floors, move boxes of food and napkins and condiments, etc.). Or, they do know, but they think I can handle it. Sorry, folks, these days I cannot. Thirty years ago, maybe, but not now.
I'm not even going to address people who think I can just go to the doctor and get a magic pill to cure all of my issues. Most of the time, I ignore them anyway. There are others who are selling products that may cure the ills and issues that some people have, but have not worked with mine. I've tried a couple of those products, but will not name them because I'm not going to knock what may be the livelihood of the friends who are selling them. They are certainly legitimate products that may work for others, but have not been beneficial for me.
What came to mind is that maybe God knows that I am not physically up to working. I can do a job, but the whole ritual of going to work and fully functioning on the job is beyond my current abilities. Maybe there is a suitable job in my future, but it hasn't materialized as of yet. I can write and I could do that at home. These days with e-mail and internet, it would be easy to receive and submit work from home. I've said many times (because I believe it to be true) that my body is a piece of junk, but my brain works just fine. Some might say that God should just fix me up. Ideally, He could, but as it is written, He works in mysterious ways. My case is definitely one of His more mysteriouser ones.
I think that with this revelation I've hit on one possible cause of my unemployment and lack of success in rejoining the workforce. Of course, I could be wrong (I was wrong once), but in this case I don't think so. I'll just keep up my prayers and do the best I can.
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