I hinted at this in a recent post, but decided to write more about it in its own post. Throughout life, all of us gain friends, but once in awhile, one will drop off of the list for one reason or another. In my case, I'm a quiet type who doesn't have lots and lots of friends, but the ones that I do have are held in high regard, and I'm thankful for each and every one whether I express it often in a strong way or occasionally in a subtle way.
We don't always know what others are thinking or why. Just about everyone I know has lost a friend or two unexpectedly—one day you're talking and everything seems fine, then the next time you get together it seems as though your friend is...off. They don't seem to be glad to be with you, conversation is awkward in that they don't seem to have much to say to you. You ask if everything's OK and get, "I'm fine." (Note that awkward moments like these can be avoided if people were upfront with their friends when something is amiss. But I was wrong once...) In the case of the friend in question here, we've been through multiple jobs since working together in the early/mid-2000s, and have both struggled with repeated layoffs. The two of us have gone to job fairs together, gone to the library to use their computers for job searching. My friend had much better luck, having scored a few jobs, some of them lasting a few years. Me? Well, not so well. A couple of years ago, he found a technical writer position with a decent salary and is still working for them. As I've said here on the Planet, I've found little to nothing.
Just the other day I was looking at my profile on LinkedIn and noticed that this friend had deleted me as a contact. I mentioned it and he gave me the "Oh, really?" look as if he didn't know. Really? He did re-add me later on (I checked), but I looked again a few days later and saw that he'd pulled his name off of my list a second time. I won't bother asking him about this again. He must have known but is playing dumb. Or maybe not "playing."
Over the last few days, I've given thought to why I've held onto this "friendship" for so long. The guy has helped me out a few times, but in the long run he's in it for himself. It seems that he keeps his friends as long as they can do something for him when he needs it.
All I can do is to be the best friend that I can be, using the values that I was taught growing up and taught my daughter when she was growing up.
